Hands With Queens Win …

… it’s difficult to produce statistical evidences of this but let’s consider the WSOP history for example.

For those who don’t know the WSOP, it is the main poker event of the year. Pros from all around the world fight each other to win a huge amount of money. The idea of a World Series of Poker began in 1969 with an event called the Texas Gambling Reunion. It was as an invitational event sponsored by Tom Moore of San Antonio, Texas, and held at the Holiday Hotel and Casino in Reno. But was the following year that poker player and Las Vegas casino owner Benny Binion officially created the World Series of Poker (WSOP).

But let’s come back to our point: Hands With Queens Win.

Apart those winning the tournament with double Q – in 1978 Bobby Baldwin’s Q Q defeated Crandall Addington’s 99 and in 1983 Tom McEvoy’s Q Q won against Rod Peate’s K J – there are more recent examples, some of them really amazing. In 2001 Juan Carlos Mortensen’s suited K Q defeated Dewey Tomko’s A A, in 2002 Robert Varkonyi beat Julian Gardner with Q 10 offsuit against a suited J 8 and in 2006 Jamie Gold won the competion with Q 9 offsuit against Paul Wasicka’s 10 10.

These are facts!

Quotations about Poker

[Poker] exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great.  ~Walter Matthau

Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom.  ~V.P. Pappy

There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker.  The upper class knows very little about it.  Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful.  Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a “flush.”  It is enough to make one ashamed of the species.  ~Mark Twain

The commonest mistake in history is underestimating your opponent; it happens at the poker table all the time.  ~David Shoup

The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.  ~Author Unknown

If, after the first twenty minutes, you don’t know who the sucker at the table is, it’s you.  ~Author Unknown

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State Slogans

Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!

Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: Without Atlanta We’re Alabama

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… OK, Maybe Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: 5 Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana: We’re Not All Drunk Cajuns

Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man’s Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want a F**kin’ Motto? I Got Yer F**kin’ Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney…

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl — It’s What’s For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not Really An Island

South Carolina: We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: A Whole ‘Nother Country!

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?

Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family — Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming: Wynot?

Who Was That Masked Man?

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn’t around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.

She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go outside.” So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.

Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve.

When he got home she asked, “How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?”

He replied, ”You know me, dear. I don’t have a good time when you’re not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement playing poker. It wasn’t very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my costume to had the time of his life!”

Jeffrey Ross: Las Vegas Poem

This is a poem I wrote about my experience here in Las Vegas. It’s called, ‘Where the F**k is the ATM Machine?’ Poker, four in the morning, biggest pot of the night, couldn’t fold. / I was gonna win that hand. I had a jack high. Decided to bluff everybody out. / I raise and raise and raise again. It was looking good. / Everybody folded except for the 90-year-old Chinese lady on the end. / I’ve been to a Chinese laundry — they never fold. / It was go time. We showed our cards. / Damn. A pair of queens. I lost it all to a pair of queens — / or as they call it in Vegas, a Siegfried and Roy.

A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa …

A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?

The stupid blonde because the other two don’t exist.

Celestial Poker

Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on the same day. As they are approaching the gates of heaven, God tells them that there is only ONE spot left.

Knowing this, Pamela decides to seduce God by showing her bare breasts. God looks at them and says, “Very nice.”

“Does that mean I”m in?” says Pamela. God looks over to his side and sees the Queen of England douching in the corner.

He looks back at Pamela and says, “Sorry, a royal flush always beats a pair.”

Wee Jimmy’s Poker

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game. His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game. At this point, the boy’s uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.

The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment, and the game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy. After the game ended and the players were settling their wins and losses, one of the men asked Jimmy’s uncle, “What in the world did you do to Jimmy?”

“Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I told him how to jerk off.”